Am I really doing this?

Is this really happening?

Despite the clarity I had months back, many questions and doubts come to mind as I cross the threshold of my home for the last time before I come back from the World Race in Mid December.

How could I possibly leave?

The freedom that came with a thrill to follow through with this calling comes with a price. Walking into the unknown and the joy that comes with this opportunity to serve thousands of people with the Gospel is not cheap.

The time to leave this home has finally come and the weight of my pack that presses on my shoulders is far less than the heaviness that has befallen my heart for this place, for home.

Will this be worth leaving my family, my friends, and my church?

Though what I have brought with me for the trip is tightly clumped together in Zip-lock bags and compression sacks, my heart is unloading into my mind with each step I take towards the car.

As my father turns the ignition, I’m reminded of our conversations still remaining about his past, about how Christ will influence his life since he confessed him as his Lord and Savior late last year.

Looking at my mother tear up in the back seat along side me as we start our drive I begin thinking of the gratitude and thanks that I have never fully demonstrated to her.

The movies, meals and moments shared with my family over the past month hasn’t quenched the appetite that I now realize was skewed in my life.

Fifty to Sixty hour workweeks and failed romantic ventures took the brunt of my life over the past four years. Social engagements, church functions and school took everything else up before that.

And after playing catch with my father on the front lawn, hugging my brother in the family room before he headed to class, the most loaded question I ever faced was glaring stronger than the posture I tried to maintain as I stared back at mother in the car…

Were all those functions, and outings, and hours worth it?

Were all the obligations and countless hours editing worth sacrificing the growth of my family?

I have been privileged to experience the kind of stability that can foster community, growth and cultivation in relationships.

I have been fortunate with parents that have fought for over 30 years of marriage.

I have been blessed to get to know so many people, serve alongside them and witness the gospel come to life in my community as well as my home.

To be so involved with such people and then voluntarily rip myself out of that community is a struggle.

Yet as I depart from my family at Fort Lauderdale Airport and leave for my new family across Terminal 1 in line at the bus depot I know this is for a reason.

There is a reason for over a  hundred of us to be here all in line, patiently waiting for the adventure of a lifetime.

About the author

  • The Continuing
    The Continuing
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    The Blank Page
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    Hazard Lights

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